Every once in a generation, a truly transcendent piece of gaming comes to be. For Baby Boomers, it was Pac-Man. For children of the 80's, it was Mario Bros.. For the oughties, one can only conclude that I Am Bread is that game.
A tale of growing-up on the wrong side of the kitchen, I Am Bread is a coming of age saga in which a single slice of bakery-fresh whole-grain wheat endeavors to become the ultimate symbol of yeasty maturity: toast. The terrain is daunting, the floor is dirty, and the task is ambitious, but such is the life of bread in all its tragic beauty.
You begin your quest, like any other hero, at level one; the moment your fiber-rich form is birthed from the mother-loaf. As you slide effortlessly from your crusty cocoon, your edges grip the table as your view sweeps over the threatening landscape.
Your creator - a man rendered clinically insane by "delusions" of living bread tearing his home asunder - is an unkempt fellow. Raw ham covered in ants threatens your pristine exterior and a dirty floor awaits your first wayward step as you begin your quest to the toaster.
With only four corners to grip the drywall and the ability to swing by your chosen axis, your doughy descent into hell's kitchen begins in earnest. Skateboards, toppled chairs, and inexplicably loose fridge doors act as both booby traps and assets in your journey; your unyielding resolve your only friend as your grip slips and a sink full of dirty dishes swallows you whole.
Like a youth entering maturity, you stumble and fail, experiment and suffer, toil and try. Even the welcoming mouth of the toaster endeavors to arrest your quest with slots so narrow they make Kate Moss look obese.
But ultimately, you succeed. Like life, your efforts take as long as needed before your lesson is learned, your 36 grams of carbohydrates baked to a golden brown like the sands of a desert that surround a welcome oasis. As the scorecard raises and a feeling of accomplishment fills your bosom, your eyes rest on a single scarlet letter:
F.
Truly, this is what makes I Am Bread the undisputed game of the year. That seminal failure teaches more than your war vet grandfather ever could. Truly, becoming toast is not enough, unless one colors one's intellect with the jelly of life's journey.
To attempt to rate this game would be akin to grading "The Divine Comedy" or "Moby Dick." Works of true genius are above consideration, even to those who have seen the way of the toast. For now, however, I will simply give it six slices out of six. For who are we to speak of bread's woes if we have not ourselves walked a mile in its crust?
To celebrate the wholegrain adventures of our crusty companion, we're giving away three Steam copies of 'I Am Bread'.Simply comment below and tell us why you deserve to win, you'll then have a shot at getting a slice of the action (pun fully intended).Winners announced on Monday 22nd December at 1pm GMT.